Our sources from deep inside Apple accidentally found documentation straight out of the thoughts of Steve Jobs. Apparently he has been operating secretly on a new program named iThought that is capable of reading your mind, such as your deepest darkest secrets!
Unbeknownst to Steve, iThought had created its own consciousness full with the capacity to distinguish between right from wrong. iThought right away sent out an urgent warning to everybody on Steve's iChat Buddy List.The following information and facts leaked out in hopes that Steve's already in-motion strategy can somehow be reversed:
My Master Plan for Globe Domination - as believed by Steve Jobs:
1. Turn into CEO of Apple (Carried out)
two. Develop into CEO of Pixar (Performed)
three. Produce the iPod and get Millions of people today to spend outrageous amounts of capital for the ability to store thousands of hours of music on a device that has a 6 hour battery life when new. (Performed)
4. Generate iTunes for Computer so that Apple can start out the method of Apple Brand Name imprinting on the minds of impressionable teenagers irregardless of ethnic background, religion, language or Operating Technique. (Done)
five. Create the iTunes Music Shop to give thousands of hours of music at $1 per song so that iPod owners can justify the need for so a lot wasted space on their iPods. (Performed)
6. Simultaneously bring out the iPod Video with iTunes Music Shop video content material so that consumers will will need to pay for upgraded iPods with far more storage and bigger screens unknowingly filling them up even faster with "MTV" music videos and "Desperate Home Wives" episodes costing more than double that of outdated stand alone music downloads. (Accomplished)
7. Implement a massive Pc iPod owner Migration to Mac so they will have complete and utter compatibility with their beloved Apple iPods. Following all, the only reason for having a laptop or computer is so you can get your music, videos and Podcasts on to your iPod?(Done)
8. Produce a massive partnership with Intel "Somehow Intel has forgotten about Apple's Snail add campaign" and adjust CPU's in all Apple Computers over to Intel, yet again making a enormous software compatibility update program this time known as "Universal Compatibility". Make certain to charge all current Apple computer software owners for the privileged of owning the new upgraded "Universal" programs. (In Progress)
9. Make official Apple statement: "There are no plans to sell or support Windows on an Intel- based Mac... We won't do anything to preclude that." Strongly planting the notion in Windows Geeks everywhere that they will soon be in a position to install and run Windows on a Mac, having the best of each worlds: Virus absolutely free Net surfing and e-mail indicates less down time and way more productive time spent multiplayer 1st Person Shooter and Function-Player gaming... (Done)
10. Get Disney to order Pixar so that "I-Steve Jobs" will turn into the largest stockholder of Disney. (Just about Accomplished)
11. Launch OSX-Pc for everybody else left not employing a Win-Mac, just about give it away zero cost but make an update every single 3 months that has significant speed improvements and other enhancements and make sure that all new versions of iLife and other Apple programs will only run on the newest updated OSX-Computer. Get started charging way more and way more for the new updates. By then most OSX-Computer Switchers will have migrated absolutely over without having realizing they too are now portion of the ever strengthening Mac Cult, losing full control more than widespread sense and cause, their only existence is to wake up each morning and run "Apple Software program Updater" in hopes that but again extra Apple programs have been updated adding even far more efficiency and enhancements, which can be unlocked for a modest upgrade fee! (Need to have to finish)
12. Now that Every single man woman and child on the face of the earth with a laptop or access to a pc is making use of a Mac/OSX-Pc and is under full thoughts control of their leader "Me-Steve Jobs" It is time to invoke my master plan...
I will launch the mother of all Laptop or computer Viruses and because "Macs don't get Viruses" and all of the Virus Protection suppliers have gone out of enterprise and joined Microsoft to make MS Office for Mac, this will be accomplished reasonably conveniently by operating a effortless AppleScript that is conveniently on each and every Mac/OSX-Computer. It will Globally wipeout every personal computer and iPod causing mass confusion, hysteria and economic chaos in contrast to the World has ever seen. (This I will appreciate...)
13. The Globe will bow to their almighty savior "Me-Steve Jobs" for deliverance. I will introduce to them my newest software/hardware creation that I have secretly kept in full seclusion though nonetheless managing to mass create enough for just about every laptop ever produced, I will make them readily available on-line promptly at the Apple store with absolutely free engraving... I will rightly name this new program "iFix" and it will only run on my newest Digital Recovery Device called "iGiveup".(Need to Trademark name nonetheless)
Mankind will acknowledge me as their iLeader from that day forward! (It will be accurate)
Then I believe I will make an Apple iPod-PDA-Phone... (JK)
Source-Confidential...
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